The best laid plans of mice and men...

Happy Monday everyone! (Albeit a late Monday)

So, my initial idea for this weeks post was to present another adventure, however, I got called into work tonight. Perhaps things will work out better in the next week, but we'll see how that story unfolds.

Speaking of stories, I just finished The Road by Cormac McCarthy, a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel that details the journey of a man and his son across a post-apocolyptic America in search of the coast. I bought this book over a year ago and began reading around this time last year. For some reason or another, I never finished it then. But over the last few weeks, as I've stated before, I find myself utilizing my time on the train to read. So far I've read three books since mid-September. I don't consider myself a particularly fast reader, but that is some kind of record for me. Anyway, The Road is very simplistic in its narrative. McCarthy wastes no space with extra punctuation, which kind of annoyed me at first but I learned to ignore it and by the end of the book I didn't even notice it. The story doesn't go into great detail about the event that put the world in the utter turmoil the story is placed. Oddly enough, I find the not-knowing to be the most terrifying element of the story, not the several near-death experiences or the groups of cannibals our heroes come across throughout their journey. It's strange how the mind can develop a fear of something which is unknown.

Ironically, I think in the very same vein, when I moved here in August, I was terrified beyond belief of all the elements of living here that were unknowns. Would I have enough money to pay for my rent, my utilities, my student loans; all these things were following me and I had no idea how I was actually going to pay for it all. However, that fear led me to the restaurant that I now call my place of employment. Maybe Yoda was wrong. Maybe fear doesn't lead to the dark side. Maybe fear is what keeps us on the path of good and towards success.

For example, for the longest time my biggest fear has been of being alone. Not of spending the rest of my life single, but of living a life without friends and without purpose. I was told this weekend by some of my best friends at work that when they first met me they were like, "WTF? Is this guy for real?" Apparently, I came off as being too comfortable too quick. Maybe I feared not fitting in and not finding friends at work, because God knows I don't have time to find many friends outside of work these days. Thus, I do my very best to find friends wherever I go. I may hear people on the street trying to figure out where to go, how to get there, or what to do when they do finally get there. There have been a number of times when I chime in a lend a hand. A few times it's gotten me some free drinks. Maybe I'll never see those people again, but knowing that they appreciated my help was very satisfying.

Furthermore, I fear not meaning anything in this world. I've found myself considering those around me and the paths they've decided in their lives and wondered if they are truly happy or if this is just what they do between weekends. I, for one, don't want to spend the rest of my life working in a restaurant. My goal in life is not the become famous, but to help people be happier in whatever way I can through performing. So many people I have served since moving here have complimented me on how I've helped them have a more enjoyable experience. That fulfills my purpose, but I'm not performing at the restaurant, I'm someone's bitch (for lack of a better term). Thus, my fear of not fulfilling that purpose completely keeps me working towards my goals.

In other news, I had my first acting gig on Friday. My former roommate Kathryn works for a not-for-profit company that educates workers in Child Protective Services, the police department, and attorneys that work with victims of abuse, primarily child sexual abuse. This past week her company put on a three-day training that culminated with a day of role play involving actors portraying such victims. I was asked to participate and was given the role of an autistic 7-year-old boy who had been abused by his older half-brother. At first I was kind of uncomfortable with the whole situation because it was something I had never dealt with before I wasn't quite sure how to handle it. However, upon being put in that room and made to portray that character, it all just fell into place. The first session I was in didn't get to the point of disclosure where I was to divulge the whole scenario to the caseworkers. The second and third sessions, however, brought me to tears. I haven't acted for years and hadn't done anything like this before. But I once it started, it all just kind of flowed and felt (oddly) natural. This experience gave me new respect for the individuals that deal with these kinds of cases on a day-to-day basis. What was even more refreshing is that these people openly admit that their job can be terribly depressing when things like this happen to children, but they know they are meant to help these children and their families find peace after it is all said and done. They fear not helping, and so they continue to do this work because they have identified what fulfills their purpose.

I promise an adventure soon (with pictures!).

Happy adventures!