My word

Hello everyone!

I'm getting closer to being on track with keeping up here. Update: Merrily, Merrily, Merrily opened in the Midtown International Theatre Festival this past Tuesday evening at the June Havoc Theatre to a positive audience response. I don't think we're getting actual written reviews or anything, but the few people that came to see our little show that night really seemed to enjoy themselves. The playwright was in the audience and she had wonderful things to say to everyone. Her words to me were (and I'm trying my best not to brag here, but it's difficult) that my monologue was the best she had EVER seen it performed. I walked around with a HUGE SMILE on my face the rest of the night. I'm looking forward to 5 more glorious performances and hopefully seeing some very familiar faces there.

Something struck me yesterday while reading and it sent my mind reeling, so I knew I had to write about it here before I forgot about it all together.

"...every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there. If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought. Whatever that majority thought might be--that is the word of the city. And if your personal word does not match the word of the city, then you don't really belong there."

This is an excerpt from my current train-traveling companion EAT PRAY LOVE by Elizabeth Gilbert. Before you start judging me: YES, I am reading chick lit, again. However, this is more than just chick lit; it's a damn good read about one PERSON'S journey of self-discovery. The above excerpt comes from a passage during her time in Italy. The conversation surrounding it concerns Liz, the heroine/writer, insisting another woman she spots in the city belongs there as opposed to her. Her companion Giulio tells her, "Maybe you and Rome just have different words." Naturally, this got me thinking: what is New York City's word? Upon further reading, it turns out Ms. Gilbert believes NYC's word is ACHIEVE.

That thinking led me to further mental discussion: what is my word? Is it ACHIEVE? If not, does that mean I don't belong here? I read this passage just before getting off the train to walk home and spent the entire time between the train and my house to ponder these questions.

At first, I thought: OF COURSE, ACHIEVE IS MY WORD! I want to ACHIEVE my goal of being a professional actor. That sounds simple enough, right? Maybe. But on the other hand, would I really want to say that my "word" is ACHIEVE--it sounds pretty stereotypical by some measures and rather selfish by others. So, then, what really is my word?

I thought back through the last 10 years of my life which would have started back in high school. We've talked about high school before. That was the time in my life when I realized I like it when people tell me I can't do something because then I just got an amazing drive to prove them wrong and overcome that adversity. Maybe my word is DRIVE? Or OVERCOME? To me, both of these sounds like I'm overly ambitious to the point of not caring who gets hurt in the process or that I've fallen on hard times. I haven't lost any friends in my pursuit of this dream and I'm pretty sure that I'm doing all right considering I'm typing this blog on my computer in an apartment I can pay rent for each month. So, no and no.

As soon as I turned down those choices, I passed one of the lovely fresh fruit and vegetable markets on 30 Ave. and the Faith Hill song "Breathe" was coming from the muzak. I tell myself and others to breathe everyday and stay calm through all the daily trials that may come our way. I am a singer, I do NEED to breathe in order to sing. Maybe BREATHE is my word. Then, I remembered my buddy Jared from college. At some point during college, Jared decided that all he needed to get through each day was to breathe and so he proceeded to begin each day writing "breathe" on his left hand to remind himself of this fact. A very wise man, that Jared. So, no, BREATHE is not my word, that is Jared's word.

Other things popped into my head: CARE, ORGANIZE, PERSIST. And, again, no, no, no. Maybe SURVIVE. I do live in a very expensive city where it can get difficult to make ends meet sometimes, especially working in a very inconsistent industry such as that of food and beverage. SURVIVE may fit. But all in the same instance, not at all. My word needs to be something that truly defines who am I, what I want, what I want to give, and for what I strive in this life. And right there on a corner in Astoria, it hit me.

I left Ohio to find something I knew I wouldn't find there; not entirely, at least. Everywhere I've gone in my life, I've insisted on bringing one simple accessory. My day is measured by how much of one thing I can provide for somebody else. And even if I can provide that one thing for just one person, my job is done.

HAPPINESS is my word.

So, since I live in NYC and NYC's word is ACHIEVE, does that mean I don't belong because my word is HAPPINESS? I dare you to tell me I don't belong here...

HAPPY Adventures!